Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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