i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
