I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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