He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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