can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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