Christians are straight up FREAKS
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
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Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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