So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
