I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
