I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
