I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
