Four minutes until I can fart!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
