Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
