Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
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i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
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It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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