Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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