We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We had sex on a dog bed..
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
