please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
