dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
