community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
