Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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