Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
