It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
