I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
