so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize