my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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