we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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