i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
