All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
