his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
