Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I want to be your penis for a week.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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