I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
