everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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