i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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