I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
