THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
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so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
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Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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