never play flip cup with pint glasses
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
