That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
