I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
