Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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