I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
