Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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