apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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