I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
