she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
