she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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