i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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