I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
