This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
