I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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