you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm just crazy horny about you
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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