I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
