Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
