Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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