There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
