the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The air was thick with penises
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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