There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
