Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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