Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
