i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
