Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
