you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
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you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
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I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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