she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
