Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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