Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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