I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
